It was a peaceful afternoon, much to Helix's dismay, he ran out of supplies in his room and demanded him to go out. 'So quiet....' He said, wandering around the hallway. He was used to this, years had passed by and this was common for him.
Mishika climbed through one of the side windows, rucksack in tow. The years had been kind to her, the spirit had long since retired her hood and shrine garb. Landing with a silent crouch, Mishika hefted her bag back over her shoulder and stood. Her eyes scoped the area, instantly finding Helix’s form. She faltered, a soft "oh...” falling out of her mouth.
Using his extra-ordinary senses, he quickly heard Mishika and also detected her scent. "Mishika?" He asked, turning to her direction. His eyes lit up with hope, his mate was back, after her years of disappearance. He was waiting for her all these time.
Mishika’s breath remained stalled in her chest. Her heart hurt, weary from such a long time away from such a beloved mate. "Heli..." she gulped, taking a step forward before stopping. Her hand, that had been outstretched, seeking his comfort, retreated back to her side. Worry swam through her eyes as she forced herself to stand before him. "It’s been... a while" She said lamely, gaze on his shoulder.
Helix raised an eyebrow, wondering why she decided to retreat back. "Yeah...it’s been awhile...” But that didn't stop him to hug her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, making sure he wasn't hugging that tight. "I…Missed you...” He whispered, nuzzling on her neck before pressing his forehead against hers. He can't help but let out his soft side, this was his lover after all.
She grasped at his back like it was a lifeline, fingers curling against the fabric. But she was still restrained. She had promised herself, this time she would stay strong, this time. But she fell back into the trance his eyes had on her, losing her sense of self in his gaze. "I... I missed you too" she breathed, voice pained from strain and hardship. Her neck burned where he had nuzzled against her, a heavy weight on her heart. This was helix, but it was not at the same time. The helix she had met, the one who had brought her home and introduced her to his family; that was the helix from two years ago. The helix that had marked her as she marked him... he had been replaced with this new helix, an older helix.
Helix noticed she was holding back, her voice...it wasn't happiness that he hears. "Mishika...is something wrong?" He asked. He felt his heart aching, like something was gonna happen. The way she looks at him, it was...different. He probably looked worried now and scared deep inside. He wanted to kiss her, to hold her tightly in his arms and laugh away his worries, but something was holding him back as well.
Silently, she kissed him. Her lips grazed his in a sort of belated greeting. Like strangers forced to dance, it was stiff as she tried to pour what once had been into what was now. "It’s just..." she whispered, tracing his lips with her thumb "it's been so long" she laughed sadly, the sound heartbreaking in the silence of the hallway. “It’s been so long, and you're taller" her voice cracked as she smiled, running her hand through his red locks " you cut your hair- and you're taller... older" she kissed him again. "You grow up so fast...." she wanted him back, the comfort, and the love, everything he had shown her. The trust towards demons that he had rebuilt, every kiss, every caress seemed so far away from her now.
"Yeah... I know..." He kissed her back, putting his feelings on it. Everything that he locked away ever since she disappeared. "Things weren't the same....they will never be..." But my love for you will still be the same. He wanted to say it. He wanted to declare his love for her and yet, no words came out of his mouth. His throat felt like it was burning. The item around his neck felt like it was burning. "You... on the other hand…still beautiful as always...” He smiled. A smile that only she sees.
"Beautiful... more like unchanging" she chucked again, bitterly this time. That, that was the disconnect. He would change, love, fall out of love, age... she would not. 3 years and all she had to show for it were new scars. But he, he had a maturity in his gaze, a sense of purpose in his eyes that she would never be able to gain in his lifetime. Helix’s charm around her neck, it choked her, the irony that it was their only solid connection dragging her down. "We should" she cleared her throat. "We should go somewhere private... not a hallway"
"Hey come on....don't be like that. You are beautiful for me… no matter what happens." He held her hand, entwining their fingers. He wanted to show affection as much as he can. He feared that she might disappear again. "And alright…where do you wanna go?" He asked, the item around that was hidden under his clothes was making him feel…itchy. It wanted to go out, but Helix knows it’s not the time yet.
She fumbled around for an answer, hand squeezing his out of reflex. "The bell tower, i guess" she nodded to herself "it’s usually empty this time of day, and the bells won't ring until dinner." her smile was bright, and she shut her eyes to hide that it didn't reach them. Her grip on him tightened, steps faltering as she led him up the swirling staircase. It was like how it had been when they were younger, the two of them off exploring, except now it was different. He was not her Helix, and she was not his Mishika.
Helix nodded and followed her, letting his lover guide him to the bell tower. He bit his lips. No. His thoughts were whispering dark and painful words. Everything didn't seem right. They were supposed to be happy. "Mishika..." He mumbled. Does he even have a place in her heart till now? Instead of feeling that they're reuniting, he felt that she was fading away even more. It makes his heart ache.
Here. Here was where she wanted to be, where she needed to be. Safe in his grasp, an arm’s reach from comfort and unwavering love. But yet...
she scrambled for a seat on the balcony, dragging him down unceremoniously and pushing out another smile. Her tail reached for him, curling around his waist in some form of affection. But she knew these were just the motions. These were things she had done years ago and although she felt the same butterflies in her stomach each time she did them, they were hollow, ghosts of affection. She loved him, loved him so much it made her entire being hurt to be apart from him. How many had he loved since she had left. How many had been like aqua and the others, had she been like them? She was getting ahead of herself. "Helix..." she trailed off, staring into his eyes. Where were the words? "You won't believe where I’ve been..." she was rambling now, and she knew it.
Helix carried her and placed her on his lap, wrapping his arms around her once again. He wanted to just stay like this, the feeling of having her with him. He missed this. He missed the old days. "Really? Do tell… I’d like to hear everything about your adventure.” He said with that same smile again, he had always wondered what she was doing while she was gone. Did she meet other people that she like? Did she fell for someone else? His thoughts were going crazy.
She relaxed against him, allowing herself to fall into the memories of the past, when they were inseparable. "I went to Belarus first, I had to check on my forest..." she trailed off, resting against his chest, her legs splayed out in front of her. “I was planning on coming back, but after all that horror with Aleks and the massacre..." she shivered, head drooping in a semblance of defeat. She welcomed his comfort, the only one she trusted, the only one she loved after all these years. But, she reminded herself, this was not the one she had loved, this was not the photograph she had kept in her bag, this was the living, breathing, Helix. She let out a defeated sigh "i wasn't ready to go back, when he needed guidance the most i wasn't there and" she bit back a sob. “I went to Khzakastan after that, then Italy, Germany ...” her eyes were distant glazed over with an unreadable emotion "I never really... talked to anyone"
"......" Helix stayed silent, stroking her ears like he used to do before. "I see...well meanwhile. Life here...is somehow... boring. It was partly my fault. Ever since you left... I kind of distanced myself from others...the only one who kept in contact with me was Russell and Lacie." He kissed her cheek and nuzzled closely. "I never really had anyone close to me like this…except you." His eyes showed care, love and craving. He was craving for her love, her affection and of course, to see her smile. He wanted her happy, he wanted to make things right. He wanted to do the things he had never done before, showing her that he truly loves her.
She turned full circle, wheeling around on his lap to face him. Face tight from desperation, she captured his lips with hers, pressing her body against him like she had before. It was a physical apology, as if she tried to sum up years of absence with one action. She poured her loss, her misery, her fear, loneliness, and love into him as though he would take it all. In turn, she tried her best to do the same, absorb all the dark thoughts he had ever had. It was a heartfelt attempt, almost perfect if not for the weight in her heart, the heavy reminder of the real world. She took, and took as much as she could bear, a stray tear rolling down her cheek? Was it from love? Loss? Loneliness? Empathy? Fear? She did not know.
Helix kissed back, accepting everything that was in the kiss. He wrapped his arms tighter, leaning closer to her. He didn't want to let go. He tried to smile through the kiss, but as it happens, a tear fell down as well. Why? He was supposed to be the strong one. Why did he let his tears fall? The kiss should make him happy, but why tears? "Mishika....I love you..." He said, kissing her again. His feelings were going crazy. Depression, Heart ache, joy, confused, and scared.
She sobbed into the embrace, unable to respond to his confession because of his kiss. "I…" she trailed off, breathing heavily onto his lips as she struggled to form words “I love you too" the moment the words came out, she knew them to be true. Her eyes welled up more, regret for leaving his side flowing into her like a broken dam. She did love him still, she realized as she pressed her lips to his cheek, his nose, his left temple. "you..." she whispered, looking down at him from her perch "look like you want to tell me something" she pressed her lips to his knuckles, her free hand coming up to wipe away one of his tears.
Helix tensed up before nodding. "I....I've been waiting for you to come back...and while you were gone...I realized almost everything....one...” He kissed her forehead. "I regret not spending enough time with you..." Even though they were almost inseparable in the past. "Second..." He kissed her nose. "I should have gotten you gifts while you were still here....taking you out on dates...And make you feel special...and lastly...” He kissed her lips and said, "I realized that...without you...it’s like half of me is gone...I love you so much Mishika Rasputin and I decided to combine all my late gifts into this..." He brought out the item that was hiding under his clothes. It was a ring. "This isn't an engagement ring. I kind of guess you aren't ready for that and I’m not really sure if you'll say yes...plusIwannamakeitspecial" He made sure to say the last sentence very fast. "This is a promise ring...I don’t usually make these...but I really want you to have one. I want you to know that I'll always be here for you...to care and love you if anyone else wouldn't....even if I’m a demon...I promise to make you happy…until the end." He looked at her with a genuine smile on his face. In the ring, it was written 'Always here for you.' in Greek.
Mishika let out a strangled noise, mixed between a sob and a choke. "What -I" she didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve this at all. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that she left, it wasn't fair that he loved her and she loved him and that the years would rip them apart. "You... for me?" she wanted to feel happy. She wanted to be better, she wanted to be with Helix. “Helix.. I" she fingered the ring, smooth against her skin. "I don't-" she didn't want to say it. She didn't want to ruin the delicate peace she had acquired with him, the joy they were starting to find again. Her grip around the small metal circle tightened. "I don't know what to say" her eyes displayed shock, blatant as the nose on her face. "I can't accept this." she didn't loosen her grip on the trinket "we...” she breathed out heavily through her nose.” I feel like we're strangers all over again" she sobbed out a laugh, hysteric as she pressed the heel of her free hand to her forehead. "I'm terrified that you're not who i remember- I'm terrified that I love you! That I don't love you" she trailed off. "Are you even the same person I fell in love with?" the spirit's voice was barely over a whisper.
Frantically, she rummaged through her bag, pulling out a small purse of Knick knacks. "I've been collecting these for you for so long but" a tear ran down her cheek as she took out piece after piece of her gift to him "at some point i started wondering if you would even like them anymore- if you were the type of person to like them anymore" Mishika rested her forehead against his chest. "What if we realize we don't love each other anymore?"
Helix just smiled at her, kissing her lips once again. "We'll work this out, Mishika...I know we would...and you know...it’s rare for demons to find someone they actually love...so I doubt I'll fall out of love for you..." He chuckled sadly, and now that she brought that up. Was she doubting his love for her? Does she really love him back? His thoughts were getting crazier every minute that passed. "I may have changed....I may have looked different....yes I wasn't the Helix from before.....these past years changed me...turned me into this. I'm no longer the optimistic Helix that you love...and care for...the Helix who would get along with others quickly...he's just...a part of me now." Was she just in love with the old him? His heart was aching. "I know I love you and these gifts...but..." He cupped her cheeks. "Do you really love me for who I am?"
"It's been two years helix" she bit her lip, looking to the sky as she held back a torrent of tears "that's a long time for you, but for me-" she barked out a laugh "Imagine waking up one morning to realize i was a completely different person than what you remembered" she took her hands off of him, raking them through her hair and tugging at the roots "I'll never change, you will- don't you understand?!" she pleaded with him, grabbing him by the shoulder and bowing her head " I want to be with you forever, I want to grow old with you, die loving you for as long as I live" she whimpered, keening toward him " But I can't -two years and you've already grown so much! More than I ever could..." Mishika sighed, head meeting the crook of his neck. "I loved you, I know that! I love the you that you were, maybe I love this you too but" her tears stained his shirt, and she slumped on top of him "Do you really want to spend eternity with someone who will never change?"
"As long as that person is the one I love, then yes." He looked at her, his face was serious, he was telling the truth. "Mishika, I’m immortal, I probably can change my appearance...this body...this vessel grows old as it is a human body...” He kissed her forehead and just continued smiling. "I don't care if you won’t change...you're Mishika, you are you." Then he chuckled bitterly. "I know this new me will take a long time for you to accept or even love." He caressed her cheeks and sighed "try imagining the person you love leaving you for two years....two years of no communication...two years of waiting...how would you feel?" He asked.
“I wouldn't care!" she sobbed, beating her fist against his chest weakly. “I don't understand such small amounts of time, I've been around for thousands of years! It’s nothing to me" her voice cracked as she laughed humorlessly, bringing her fingers to cup his jaw. "It’s not falling in love with you again that i worry about...." What was she afraid of? Her heart was thrumming too hard against her chest to think properly. "I can’t change my age I’ll, always... be the same, No one can love a rock, unmoving, and unchanging. And if you get killed--" Her voice hitched, and she rested her forehead against his “I don't want to be the one to take you over Helix" her lips grazed his, tears salting the kiss. "I never feared death before I loved you"
["Who says no one can?" Helix shook his head and wiped her tears with his thumb. "I'll love you for who you are. It’s not about the age or the appearance okay?" And after she brought the death topic up, his body tensed. "Mishika...." He kissed her, pouring his love into it. "And I've always feared to see you die." His eyes softened, filled with sorrow. "Every time I think about you...there's always these certain words stuck in my mind...’is she okay?' 'Is she still alive?' And I can't help but worry...." He held her tight, scared to let her go. "I'll try to keep myself safe....but I want you to be safe and protected too..." He whispered.
She didn't respond to the kiss, lips stiff against his affection "But I can’t, helix, not in my line of work" her voice was barely above a whisper, and she pushed a strand of his overgrown hair out of the way. "I'll always be gone, always out traveling-" She sighed, pressing a peck to his lips. "Always in danger." She kissed him softly. "Always absent from your life" she fingered the edge of the ring, pressing a kiss to it. "How about this" she sighed, meeting his gaze from beneath her eyelashes. "I'll take the ring. But- “her eyes looked down. “We start over. From scratch," she pet his head, smiling sadly "If we fall in love again, then we do, but if not" Her eyes steeled "then it just wasn't meant to be"
Helix widened his eyes, the light that was in it slowly disappeared. Mishika was the last string to his old self and now it was cut. "...I see..." He looked away and nodded. "If that's how it is then okay..." How would he be able to win her back again? To make her fall for him? He forced a smile up in his face. It was the first time he put an actor smile while facing Mishika. "I'll try to make you fall for me once again." He said, his voice was cracking. His emotions were everywhere. He'll probably isolate himself from everyone for a long time, until someone drags him outside. He took a deep breath before kissing her again. "Sorry. I had to....who knows..." He looked at her with a sad smile and said, "This might be our last kiss and...I guess....thank you for being my first...and probably my last." He gently got her off his lap, putting her besides him before standing up. "I'll be going back to my room...to think about stuff....I'll get the gifts someday...see you then." And with one last wave and glance, he walked away from her sight.
"Helix-" Mishika called after him, knowing it fell he wouldn't stop before it even left her mouth. She looked down the hallway to where his form had last been, eyes straining to memorize every detail of his broad shoulders and red hair. “I hope you do. Helix" She called after him, her voice echoing down the staircase. "Make me fall in love with you again!" her voice broke, eyes watering "Don't let me down" Heart shattered, she prayed for the first time in years that he would keep his promise to her. He, the man who had meant so much to her, the stranger that she loved. Her hand tightened around the gold ring, slipping the necklace around her neck like a pendant. Its cold weight rested next to the charm he had given her years before. Had it been him that had changed? Or had it really been her?
Helix stopped on his tracks, hearing her voice. He heard her loud and clear and he won't let her down. "I will.." He whispered with determination. But for now, he needs to compose himself and think of ways to get her back. He may have to ask a certain Fenrir to help him on courting this fox spirit, he can probably start when he decided to get his gifts from her.
Mishika Smiled softly, Ear twitching from his whispered remark. "Don't think I won't hold you too that." she whispered to herself, clutching the ring. Changed or not, she would try just as hard as he to make this work. "Just you watch, Helix" she stood, wiping invisible dust off her skirt "You'll see a new side of me yet."